Sunday, July 21, 2013

【BLOG】Where's Risa? Risa's Apology Letter

It's been days, weeks, months since I've posted a new video or blog post, and if you've checked my blog it must've been down because of the domain. After all that, Risa has finally finally decided to open up and share what the problem is and what's going on.

Risa has been sleepless many nights feeling the guilt of just leaving all her yaoi friends without saying a word, but to explain her disappearance and to return once again to write more posts, respond to comments, and interact with you all would sadden her more and more because she abandoned you all. I've been mustering up the courage to open up and talk about what's happened to everyone, and I've been keeping a secret this whole time but I've had enough of this torture. I'm going to say it. I discussed this with Eric (my boyfriend) and he agrees that it's best for me to tell you all what has happened and to try and fix it. He tells me I'm suffering way too much over this, but you guys are all my friends and the hardest thing for me to do is to ignore you all and leave you. That's what Risa did to all of you, and Risa will never forgive herself for being such a horrible person , but she's dealing with all these feelings of regret, remorse, hate, and sadness she has it all vent up inside of her and she's going to let it out and explain herself in this post. 

Please read the story and don't read it as if it's "my excuse" for my hiatus or for leaving without saying a word...please try to listen to Risa's true feelings she's writing. I'm not trying to make this a sob story or make anyone feel bad, if anything, Risa is going to tell you all the truth because you're all my friends and I regret even thinking about disappearing without saying a word. T_T

Risa will start off by getting straight to the point, and explaining herself further on in the post. 
"I'm starting a new chapter in my life, but not closing the past chapters... "
This does NOT mean I've stopped loving yaoi, and it does not mean I will ever stop, since I've loved it ever since I was young. I thought that no one could stop me from loving what I want, and for awhile this was true, and I loved it so much I wanted to share it all with you by combining drama CDs and the manga which worked out for awhile. I loved seeing all of your reactions, and you all are the greatest friends I could ask for, the people I never had in my life. My parents are extremely strict, my brothers don't talk to me, and at school I honestly don't have many friends, but Eric's always been there for me ever since I was a little kid. He told me that if I had a passion for something, I should pursue it no matter what it I told him about my love for yaoi and he was accepting of it. He's the best person I could ever ask for, and he was the one who encouraged me and supported me along the way with all of you as well! But and editing takes up a lot of time, and balancing that with all my high school classes and challenging courses I took was difficult. My parents soon found out I was getting a D in almost every class, and one day they got a hold of my computer to "investigate' and found my channel. That (as you can imagine)...was not good at all considering how strict they were but I don't blame them for getting mad at me since I usually never keep secrets. Yaoi, I thought, was my secret obsession yet it was also a part of me so if my parents didn't accept yaoi, then they wouldn't accept me so I defended myself and you can imagine it's kind of hard to defend men having sex if you think about it.  BUT RISA LIKES IT, SO THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS! (I yelled this at them so many times I think can't keep track xD)

When I got back from school I remember them yelling at me for HOURS and in the end they even broke my laptop. I'm not sure if it was broken since my dad literally chucked it at all wall, but they took it away from me and I haven't been able to access a computer at home. They told me to focus ONLY on my school work since I have to prepare for college, and the only way I've been able to go on the internet is when I'm at Eric's house. Sometimes I go on our home computer when both of them are away at work and come back late, but that's only for an hour or so. Risa has never referred to herself as "I" that many times before. That's kind of freaking her out, but lol anyways Risa was angry at her parents for calling her disgusting and for not accepting what she has a passion for, but knew that her family was going through rough times where her mom was working multiple jobs and late night shifts to support her family since her dad's health is failing. 

That's when Risa made her decision to listen to her parents and stop video-editing but their words could not stop Risa from loving yaoi and their words made her hurt even more especially when flaggers were sending messages to Risa about how disgusting she was for posting explicit material on a sitewhere children were. Risa fought and tried to defend herself but her parent's words would always be at the back of her mind and she tried her best to be positive during these times. When Risa found out her main account was taken down...her heart was torn into many piece. She was taken down. Risa was being ripped apart and everyone was against her, including her subscribers who probably would hate her for leaving them. I couldn't tell the people I love the truth just like I couldn't tell my parents the truth because I was scared they were going to hate me. 

"The truth is something that is told between people you love. "

You shouldn't lie to them, and if you're honest about who you are and what you love, don't let anyone stop you from that. Risa loves all of you SO MUCH and didn't want to keep quiet or lie about what happened. Risa loves video-editing, but she also loves her family for taking care of her. The past is behind me, the Risa who hid behind a computer screen without expressing her interests at all made so many friends with all of you  who shared her interest of yaoi. You were the ones who helped her realize thispassion and supported her. I thank all of you for supporting me all the way. The past will always be a part of me, and I'll carry it with me as I move on. As of now my parents have become a little more understanding now, and my mom actually is starting to understand the shipping process of yaoi fangirls xD The other day I begged her so that I could watch Free! and I asked if we could watch it together. She surprised the heck out of me when she commented on how she wanted to touch their washboard abs LOL (her inner fangirl) and she told me to take a screenshot of Haruka cooking with that apron and swim suit. I did, haha and my dad walked by and kind of just shrugged his shoulders passing by. My mom and I watch that show every week, and I feel like I'm more open about who I really am to them now.

I'm going to continue posting about yaoi in this blog, and continue adding posts such as yaoi manga reccomendations/reviews, new yaoi OVAS/animes..and I hope that all of you accept Risa's apology. She really is sorry and really wants to keep making videos and is trying to find a way to continue. Her one regret is that she didn't finish the series she's been working on...she wants to try and find a way to try her best to finish it and will talk with her parents about this since it is summer time and there is no school yet. 

Thank you so much for all that you've done for me, and all of your love guys so much. Please continue to support me while I'm going through this rough time.
- -Risa Chan


  1. Risa, I'm really proud of you for doing this :)

    It was really hard for you, but finally writing it all out makes you better like I told you, right? If you ever want to make videos, I bought Sony Vegas on my computer so that you can come over whenever and make the videos. If you want, I'll even upload them for you. It's okay, as long as you have earphones on I think I'll be fine xD

  2. and GO, RISA! You can do this!

    keep fighting. I'm sure all of your friends will support you through this, right everyone?

  3. Of course! I will always support whatever decisions you make, Risa-chan! You're a wonderful, kind person, and I wish you best of luck. :)

  4. Risa-chan:)
    Can't believe you have already gone through so many things for all of us QuQ
    No matter what are you going to do next, I'll keep supporting you until the world ends xD
    So keep your passion and I believe all of your fans will surely support you through this :)
    Stay strong and good luck:D
    By: One of your fans:)

  5. Me too, me too! We'll all love you no matter what, Risa-chan! Not only do you have Eric's support, but all of us too! :D Be strong, okay? I can guarantee you that everything will work out in the end, so no need to worry! <3

  6. I'm also here to support you ;u; Feel better soon!~

  7. Dear girl! Study, Study, Study!! ;-)
    Take it from a 34year old hardcore yoai fan. The mangas and the drama cds are always going to be there for you to video edit for us someday. But precious time is going by, and I am referring to your high school studies. I think you are an awesome young lady, but I would hate to see your future (and grades) suffer because of a passion.

    I know what it’s like not to have many friends in high school. I was unpopular and I got picked on often. My high school years were not the best years of my life, lol. And I do wish I had been more serious about my studies. Because I never learned to take my studies seriously, college became very difficult for me.

    My point is that college is tough. And while it is important to enjoy your high school years, it’s also important to prepare yourself for the future. You have the rest of your life to enjoy your passions.
    Your parents have every right to be concerned. You are their precious daughter and they want nothing but the best for you. They love you so very much! Someday when you become a parent, you will understand.
    Then again, you’re a bright girl, I’m sure you understand now. ;-)

    We all want what’s best for you too. And as everyone has already mentioned we will all support you in whatever it is you decide to do.

    And one more thing:
    You have more courage than I do. Only three people close to me know of my passion for yoai. I would be embarrassed for the other people in my life to find out. :-/ But most of my friends don’t even understand my passion for manga and anime in the first place. I shudder to think what they would say about yoai. 
    But like you and Eric, I have found myself lucky to have found someone who understands and accepts me and my passions. We are engaged and are planning the wedding for next spring. 
    I think that it is wonderful that you are posting this and saying “this is me, and I like what I like no matter what anyone says!” You have remarkable courage!

    So just remember:
    Yes, we missed your videos, and we missed you. NO, we don’t hate you! How could we? We all love you Risa-chan. And want you to be happy.
    And don’t worry about the rest of the videos. If you get the free time, that’s great, but if don’t that’s okay too! I think everyone here will agree that we want you to do well in school!
    Hey, there’s always next summer!
    Do your best!
    With much love,
    Your Sister in Yoai

    1. Thank you so much!! Your words were so encouraging and I'm really appreciative of your comment! -love xoxo Risa <3

  8. Risa, we love youu!! We'll support you all the way no matter what you do ^^

  9. Risa-chan, how could you think that we can hate you ??
    We all love you so much ! Of course we missed you, but we will never hate you ! We will always support you no matter what !

    Oh, I would like to tell you so many things but since I'm french it's really hard for me to put my feelings into words and then translate them in English !! xD (Yeah, you have a French Fan ! xD)
    I really want to thanks you for your hard work, you made me discover a lot of yaoi, and I always really enjoy your videos ! But don't worry, even if you can't finish them now (or even if you can't finish them at all) I'm sure we will all understand !

    I'll support you from France !! ^^

    PS : Sorry for my bad English >.< Hope you'll understand xD

  10. omg Risa it's ok. We were always here and will always follow you. I will always follow you.
    About your parents, I can relate, my parents are always on my case about studying and ill be leaving for college soon. They were always telling me to get off the computer (that was not gonna happen). So to earn their trust I had to stop everything and study (ugh) but since i had an ipod and wifi, i kinda cheated lol.
    Im glad your parents are more understanding, I think it'll make your yaoi road a little easier to walk through (is that a good analogy lol)
    well im glad your back, I missed you!!!!!!! I kept rewatching your vids and waiting for your comback! and now your back. CELEBRATION!! XD
    say hi to your bf, i wish i had someone like him hehe (im jelly)
    ps: i know you just came back but i dont wanna scare you, but it hink you should know. So im also following fluffy-chan and well she has a stalker then i learned other yaoi blogs are being under watch. but dont worry we have your back! no one can take our precious boys away!!
    (woah i wrote alot...well then.._)
    With So Much Love

  11. We completely understand Risa-Chan!! We are and have always been here for you, lots of love and happiness for the future (ღ˘⌣˘ღ) ♫・*:.。. .。.:*

  12. Risa-chan! OKAERI! It's good to hear from you! :) please do not apologise! We understand your situation! And we all have our own problem to cope with! I'm glad you overcome yours with such courage! *salute* no matter what you choose to do, we will always support you :) studies are more important, we all know that, so its ok for you to focus more on that, just follow your passion and edit the videos when you have some free time :) dont let your passion affect your studies/future! GAMBATTE! xo

  13. We love you so much, Risa-chan!!! We're here for you no matter what! I hope everything turns out well for you!!! Muah~! <333

  14. Risa-chaaan ! *hugs tightly*
    Greetings also from Finland and thank you so much for your hard work ! ;__; <3
    I can't believe how much you've gone through for us, really !
    Yes, I missed you of course but like all the others said before.. WE WOULD NEVER HATE YOU, WE REALLY LOVE YAH ! <33
    It's great to have you back ! ;A; <3

    We'll always be here for you and I hope things end up as well as possible for you, you really deserve it !

    Gambatte ne~! :33


    p.s. Eric, I also want to thank you for being there for Risa-chan, you are a amazing person too, I can't even find the words to descripe it ! ;__; <33

    BOTH OF YOU ARE, DON'T FORGET IT ~ ! <333 *chu*

  15. You go, girl!!! I'm so happy for you! And I totally cracked when you wrote about your Mom liking Free. :))

  16. You go, girl!!! I'm so happy for you! And I totally cracked when you wrote about your Mom liking Free. :))

  17. You go, girl!!! I'm so happy for you! And I totally cracked when you wrote about your Mom liking Free. :))

    1. My mom is a complete fangirl of Haru now. She loves his mysterious love for water, lol! I asked her who she shipped at the end and she told me that as much as she would love to see Rin and Haru together, in the end, she ships waterxHaru haha. An unusual ship, but it totally makes sense!

  18. OMG HI FLUFFY it's me coconutdodonut! rmbr me? haha it's ok even if you don't ( ´・ω・`)
    how have you been? how's school life? I hope you are doing well
    I can totally relate and understand how you feel, take it from me, I'm living under the same roof as my strict Christian parents. I had a similar encounter like you but except it was my strict elder sister -_-"
    I was browsing through some delicious Ereri porn on my phone when my sister suddenly came into my room and asked me what i was doing (and she wore such a fake face, YUCK) and i just said i was checking my email. Then she suddenly gave this stern look and snatched the phone right out of my hands (How RUDE) and she saw it >.< Next thing i knew, she stomped right outta my room and told my mom about it ._. i know right, such an annoying elder sister.. of course my mom blew a fuse and started her lecture on how homosexuality was a modern sin blah blah
    The most frustrating part was the fact that my phone actually had a lock that required a PIN but my stupid sis snatched the phone so fast that i did not have enough time to press the lock button *facepalm
    She even had the NERVE to browse through my gallery and web history which was of course, nothing but hardcore yaoi.
    Actually i wished i could yell to them on how much i like it, but if i did that i wld earn a one-way ticket to hell.. literally.
    Now my family sees me under a different light because i was well-known as the innocent and bubbly one in the family and suddenly the truth had dawned upon them that i had a fetish for d*cks in asses :x
    Of course my mom spread the news to her relatives and colleagues about me and ever since then i started to seclude myself from the others, even my cousin whom i used to be so close with ; _ ;
    I wish my mom was as open as yours, it must be fun watching Free! with ur mum, my mom would never understand the art of shipping and whatnot u_u
    Anyway, my dear Fluffy-san, it's perfectly understandable what you are doing right now, so don't worry! we fujoshis will manage our problems somehow (*´∀`*人*´∀`*)
    Aren't we all united as one? We will fight together till the end.
    I don't have many friends in school too, i'm usually invisible there (like my teacher didn't take my attendance bcoz she tot i was absent!)
    I'm so happy for you that have a kind and caring boyfriend like Eric to support and be there for you when need him LAST LONG KAYY ;)
    I've decided to share my story with you too and i hope you'll be encouraged by this, don't feel sad
    and I'll be looking forward to your manga recommendations in time to come ^^

    your donut pal in Singapore :-)

    1. Ahh, Eren and Levi are like the perfect pair!
      I love them too~ heh heh

      Thank you so much for your encouragement~ I'm glad to hear I have the support of my fellow fujoshi friends. We stick together and fight! Your story is super encouraging and you're a really strong person I look up to and admire. I'm really glad that we shared a similar experience because you were able to share your story with me! How you didn't care about what others thought about you is super inspiring! I hope that you continue to stay strong.

      Fighting!! -xoxo love Risa n ^ n

  19. Risa-chaaaan~! (*hugs and pats your head*)

    I'm so sorry you had to suffer like this. (*wipes tear*)
    I can really relate, my dad is also very strick about school and he's always pressuring me too. You have to stay strong, Risa-chan! FIGHTOO!

    Also, being in love with yaoi is not easy, not everyone understands... We are constantly judged and insulted and even humiliated for it. But it's okay because there are people out here who love you very much (me :D!) and that appreciate all you go through to share yaoi with us. If it wasn't for people like you I wouldn't even know yaoi was a thing!

    You are an amazing, strong, adorable human being and you make us more than happy thanks to all of your hard hard work. Thank you, I mean it, there are no words.

    I will always support you and your decisions no matter what, we all love you just the way you are. We are all the same here, we all love these boys that love each other :)

    Gambatte ne Risa-chan
    Love and kisses and cookies from Portugal
    (*huge smile, hugs you one last time*)